I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
