i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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