Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
