pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
