My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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