Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
