i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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