I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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