first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
