And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
