Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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