hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
