Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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