Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
