Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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