i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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