Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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