Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
