So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
