Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
