you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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