The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
