did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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