You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pants are for mortals
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
