Umm I'm too high to move.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
