mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
