I want to make a zoo with you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
