just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
