I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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