I want to have your abortion
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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