There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
