Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize