coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
