The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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