I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
