You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
