OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
