Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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