overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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