I faked an abortion last night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
