he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
