Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
