that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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