New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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