do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
