Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize