either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
