hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
