That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
