Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
