Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
