I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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