I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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