Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
