Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
