If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
