is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
