Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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