and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
