you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
