Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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