Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
