Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am puke
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
