I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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