Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
