I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
