i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
