Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
