And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
