I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
