I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
