Umm I'm too high to move.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My feet surprised me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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