I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
