My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
