Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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