The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
