so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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