I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do herpes really smell.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
