I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
