apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
