Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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