i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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